It feels very odd to write "2017;" it seems as though 2016 just got here yet it seemed as though 2017 would never get here. In 2016 I graduated from high school, finished my first real job, solidified my best friendships, moved to New York, moved into my first apartment, started college, started working full time, met new friends, and ate a lot of very delicious food.People can say that 2016 was terrible from Donald Trump getting elected to Carrie Fisher passing. However, I feel as though that is the pitiful way to look at the year. Although I spend enough time for two people sulking in my own mentally made up sorrows, I'd rather not put this whole year behind me as a total bust. Each year brings triumph and defeat -- that doesn't mean either one has to be absolute. Since returning to New York after Christmas vacation in Oregon I have been feeling down. Restless nights spent waking at four in the morning, a lack of emotional energy, and no will to keep any lasting conversation. However, the difference between me now and the January 2016 version of myself is that I know this feeling will not last. I know that tomorrow the sun will rise, the snow may fall, and it will still be up to me to choose what I put my energy towards.
Today, I have lived in New York for 145 days and today I have 145 days left in New York. I could put my energy towards missing home, I could put my energy towards my fear of missing New York once I'm gone, or I could put my energy towards bettering myself each and every day regardless of my circumstances.Instead of deciding to make a positive change in your life once a year, why don't we decide to make a positive change in our life once a day? I've been going to the gym 3 times a week since I came back after Christmas break (granted it's only been two weeks). Yesterday the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym --I tried to make every excuse. "I'll go Friday and Saturday" "I'll just do a workout at home" "I'm sore so I shouldn't". Even in the midst of making these excuses I was drinking my pre-workout and lacing up my shoes. The old me would have given into these tempting excuses, heck, even 3 weeks ago I would have given into these excuses, but remaining stagnant doesn't induce change.
It's hard when you're feeling down to force yourself out of the comfort of your blanket even when you tell yourself that it'd be for the better. It's easy to give into what's comfortable because it's, well, comfortable. Comfort however, isn't going to change anything. Staying comfortable will take time away from the progress you could be making. I don't like going to the gym and when I'm feeling anxious the last thing I want to do is exert my energy in a crowded room filled with people who look anything but anxious.I haven't been talking much because I feel like it takes a lot more energy than I have. I've been wound so tight I haven't even called mom which is saying something. I suppose instead of losing my marbles and winding up tight again I'm trying to slowly cut the tension.
The New Year was fun, Emily and I had the huge artichoke pizza again and then went to a park in Brooklyn that had some cover singers and fireworks. The fireworks were crazy close to us and we thought the beginning of the year would be the end of our lives -- death by firework explosion. Other than that I've been working and reading. School starts up on Monday and I'm excited for my classes.
No comments:
Post a Comment