Day 6 (8/20/2016)
Well, last night was rough. I honestly don't know what I want to do with my future. I've always had the idea of selling real estate, but I just don't know anymore. I think the fact that I haven't started school yet is a big part of my lack of confidence right now. I have this idea of going into the business world but I don't have the background I need yet.
I talk to my mom every day on the phone or I email her or I text her -- I'm always talking to her. She thinks I always bite off life in way too big of chunks. I can never just make a plan for the next month, or even the next year. I always come up with an idea and make a 10 year/life long plan with it. Now, I know that having 1, 5, and 10 year goals is a good thing! But should they be based around a single decision? I don't think so, because plans change. Ideas change. Circumstances change. Everything changes.
I want to be in the business world. I like architecture, I like fitness, I like writing, I like photography, I like finances. I like and am good at a multitude of different things but I don't know which is the best decision for me. I guess the majority of (kind of) adults my age are having the same issue; what do I want to do with my life? If I were in Oregon still I could have face to face conversations with my parents and friends and colleagues and they'd be able to relate to and validate my concerns, but they aren't here. Although I still communicate with them, no one wants to spend the only time communicating with someone 3,000 miles away talking about their fears and struggles. It helps though. It helps to talk things out. If I hadn't told my mom or David or Emma or Emily what I was struggling with, then I wouldn't have gotten their advice and assistance.
I'm going to spend my year here in NYC. I'm going to fulfill my (thus far) life dream and make it in New York. That doesn't mean I have to do it forever. Mrs. Kilfoil loved teaching and she did it for a long time, but she retired in June and the thought of not teaching anymore is scary but the thought of limitless possibilities is exhilarating.
Things change, whether they're planned or not, things change. No matter what, you can't stop what life throws at you. You can sit in a ball and let it all pile up around you, or you can put everything in it's place and make the chaos your own. I'm not exactly set on what I want to do, but I know that if I want to save up enough money to feel secure then I'm going to have to move back to Oregon after my year here. I know that if I want to network and learn about business then I'm going to actually have to go to college to find interest groups and activities that will enhance my possibilities in the business world. It's hard to network in a city that you aren't working in (yet) and aren't going to school in. This year will be great once I get my feet on the ground. Moving back to Oregon (temporarily or permanently) won't mean I've failed. If going some place where I can save money, network, learn, hike, read, connect, practice, and grow means that I failed then I'll happily take an F this time.