Thanksgiving in New York

Day 106 (11/28/2016)
It's crazy how many people I know in New York who were raised in Oregon... Anyways. A friend of mine and Abby's from high school is currently living in Chicago, he's Abby's best friend and came to New York for 5 days! He and Abby stayed at my place and by golly did we do a lot.
Thursday morning we had to wake up at 5:40... but for a good cause! We had to get up early enough to make it to Upper Manhattan in time for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Of course we needed some seasonal caffeinated beverages from Starbucks before standing in the tourist crowded cold. The parade started at 9:00 so we only had to wait for about two hours before it started -- which wasn't bad because we had a lot of jokes to tell and a lot of catching up to do.
I personally don't watch the parade on TV every year, so I didn't know what to expect. The marching band started playing, the clowns starting walking, and the floats started driving. The balloons were huge especially when the wind would start to knock them over and you'd have to brace for potential impact! The marching bands were phenomenal, the balloons were beautiful, and the crowd was wild. I enjoyed the SpongeBob, star, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Pikachu balloons the best. The parade felt as though it went by fast however, by the time it was over it was only 10:30!
To be honest I don't remember the majority of what we did on that Thursday. The most memorable visit was to the World Trade Center. It was a long haul downtown but it was well worth it. The memorial fountains are beautifully engraved with everyone's name who passed during 9/11. The park service keeps track of everyone's birthday and puts a flower out on their names. On 9/24 there were about 7 birthdays; I didn't know this but you can Google the names engraved around the memorial (or on the memorial flag) and it takes you to a blurb written about them by their family. It's beautiful. For our Thanksgiving feast we went to a traditional Ethiopian restaurant and had a "feast for three". The food was delicious -- the spices, the textures, the sauces -- all of it. After walking all up and down Manhattan we were all a little loopy and drew a lot of attention to ourselves while irrationally laughing in the restaurant. After 30,000 steps taken, we earned a good night of sleep.
But! We didn't get it. We decided to watch The Titanic until 2am instead and then proceeded to wake up at 7am. Abby and Matt are vegan so we found an amazing vegan doughnut shop to go to for breakfast, honestly they tasted better to me than regular doughnuts. Friday was a lot: doughnuts, puppies, shopping, pizza, Central Park, The Met, Whole Foods, and a lot of walking. After only 5 hours of sleep and 30,000 more steps, I was pooped. Matt, Abby, and I went back to my place and cooked some dinner before watching The Never Ending Story.
They left early Saturday morning to have a day to themselves before Matt had to go home. All in all I had an amazing time exploring different parts of the city and partaking in many tourist activities. I'm still feeling good, I realized after eating doughnuts and pizza and junk that what you eat really does take a toll on your body. I'm happy to be eating yogurt and granola for breakfast, quinoa stir-fry for lunch, and veggie patty's for dinner this week. I'll be happy to go back to the gym tonight and I'll be delighted to get on an airplane in 24 days.
I'm still feeling great and I know that it'll last because it's completely intrinsic. I've been spending a lot of time just thinking about the person I'd like to be, the things I'd like to do, and the way I'd like to feel; it's been helpful.
Also! I'll be posting a few pictures from this weekend on my Google+ account which you can view by clicking on my name in the top right hand corner!

Day 100

(11/22/2016)
It's been 100 days and a lot has happened! I've cried, I've laughed, I've gotten frustrated, and I've overcome. I've conquered the subway, the LIRR, Brooklyn, Manhattan, and Long Island. I've eaten loads of ice cream, dozens of pancakes, and many pieces of pizza. I've had my fare share of beer, diet peach Snapple, and Swiss Miss marshmallow hot chocolate. I've met new friends, lost old friends, and have stayed steady with best friends. I've reminisced about the past, stressed about the future, and overlooked the present. Needless to say, a lot has changed in these past 100 days. I've broadened my eating habits, I've met people from many different backgrounds, and I've learned what it's like to be young and hungry. I feel like it's okay to say that I'm proud of myself. In Salem I used to not want to go to a coffee shop, or the grocery store, or the mall, or anywhere by myself. I would always ask friends to run errands with me or I'd ask my mom to go. I used to get anxiety thinking about going anywhere public alone, yet here I am. I moved to New York by myself, I went to Manhattan with knots in my stomach by myself, I went to job interviews by myself -- all of it. It's just me. Yes, I talk to my friends and family a lot but they aren't here to physically support me or go to new places with me. They weren't here when I tried all of these new things by myself and honestly, that's huge for me. I'm proud of myself for becoming more open minded, and independent, and adventurous. Honesty, I'm doing great even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes -- that's what matters most.
I listen a lot to other people's advise, which I 1000% appreciate, but I think other people's voices are starting to muffle my own. I keep saying I want to do what *feels* right, yet I keep doing what everyone else is suggesting. I think it's time to stop always asking for advise and start actually living by what I promote.

This weekend was amazing! My friends and I went to a wild rooftop party Friday night and stayed out until 4am; I was so tired I actually fell asleep on the subway. On Saturday I went to a holiday flea market that has teamed up with Smorgasburg (the place with amazing food including the ramen burger). There was amazing food, a ton of people, and vintage clothing and nick-knacks. It was nice to explore Brooklyn a little bit because I usually only venture out in Manhattan.

My friend from Salem who now lives in Chicago is coming to NY tomorrow until Saturday. He, Abby, and I have a lot planned like the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, too much food, and a lot of dessert. I'll be sure to take a ton of pictures and post all about it this weekend.Today I'm feeling amazing. I've done laundry, completed my homework, and have cleaned the house. I didn't make it to the gym today but I didn't beat myself up about it -- I know I'm healthy and I'll make it to the gym when I don't have guests. I get to register for my winter term classes on the 2nd and am excited to be taking a variety of classes next term that will help me earn my TOL degree. I'm excited for what the next 7 months have in store for me.

Freshman Fifteen

 Day 94 (11/16/2016)

I’ve been working on my fitness and health very half-assed. I eat out for pretty much every meal on the weekend and I have ice cream 2-3 days a week. Monday night I went to the gym for the first time in three weeks; I spent an hour on the treadmill alternating between walking, running, mild incline, and steep incline. I did a lot of chores around the house after I got home so on Tuesday Emily thanked me with pizza and beer. We decided that a large sausage, mushroom, and olive pizza would be our last hoorah before we kick things into gear. Honestly, my goal is to move towards a plant based diet – not vegan or vegetarian. I still like burgers, I still like chicken, I still like yogurt, and ice cream, and omelets, and turkey. I just want to base my normal eating habits around mostly fruits, veggies, and whole grains to get away from more processed foods.

I’ve tried a lot of different eating habits – low carb, low sugar, restricted calories, flux dieting, no dairy – but nothing has left me with sustainable results. Since the beginning of summer I’ve definitely lost muscle in my legs and gained fat just about everywhere else which has left me unhappy with my looks and with my overall health. I’m excited to go to the gym tonight and do another hour of cardio. I think starting out by doing 2 days of cardio a week and one day of weights for a month is a good way to reset my body and my mentality.

I’ve stopped trying to force myself to go to the gym at 6:00 in the morning just to avoid people, so I have since sucked it up and dealt with the 7:00pm gym rush. Since being really set on living out my next 3 years in Bend, Oregon I’ve had a lot more motivation. Walking around on a flat concrete surface – even for a large amount of miles – doesn’t require a lot of physical strength at my current state. However, hiking, biking, swimming, boarding, and climbing do.

I’d hate to let my health slip for this year in New York and then return to Oregon with no physical stamina to do the things I’ve been yearning to do.

Last week, as I’ve said, I took a lot of time off from people and social outings. I stayed in and thought about “if I could do anything right now, what would it be?” The answer wasn’t “go see the Empire State Building” or “go to a party” or “go window shopping”, my answer was “go outside”. Just in general. I wanted to smell fresh air and see clean trees. Personally, I’ve been surprised by how much I’ve been missing the outdoors until I talked to my mom. She, and everyone else in my family, thinks I’m crazy for being surprised by this. As a kid I was always outside on my scooter, or roller blades, or at my elementary school playing foursquare, or at a park, or swinging in my dad’s backyard. I constantly had to be doing something and I was constantly outside with friends, but because I was fat I never thought of myself as an outdoorsy person. It’s funny what effects a poor body image can have on the rest of your life.

I’m enjoying my time here with my roommate, new friends, and old friends. I love the city lights and the restaurants, I love the ice cream and the clubs. I genuinely enjoy my days here but I’m excited to be working towards the goals I have set for my future. I’m excited for the school program I hope to join in the fall, and I’m excited to be close to the beach, the mountains, the forest, the water, and the desert. 

Day by Day

Day 89 (11/10/2016)
This week has flown by! I feel like I was just doing laundry and cooking lunches for the week, now it's already almost time to do it again.
This weekend I saw my friend Abby. She went to West as well and I've known her since sophomore year. We had college writing together and were about the only two on the same wave length as our teacher. She goes to a preforming arts school and it was so great to see her. It's nice to be able to have someone out here who I genuinely considered a friend in Salem and now still in New York. She has a lot of similar views and values as I, which makes things even better. She loves New York and plans to stay here for the greater portion of her future... but she wants to work on Broadway and New York is the only place you'll find that.
Talking to her and hearing about all the adventuring she has done here made me think that maybe I do want to stay here. I thought about how I could work for a small activist company, spend every other weekend going upstate to find a hike, and spend every other weekend exploring the city. But then I talked to Breonna. She always helps me clarify things, "whatever you choose to do just make sure it's what you want and what's best for you!" I have an unfortunate amount of consideration for other people's opinions and I let other people's desires to stay in NY effect my potential desires. Obviously I've only been here for (almost) three months and still have so much time to find my niche, decide what I want to do net year, and continue to explore the city that I live in now. I've just been taking time to be in the moment and say "that feels right in my life" or "this makes me feel uneasy" or "this is something I would do again". Staying present has really helped me feel better.
When I try to think about next year or the next three years I feel like there's a huge weight on me. I feel like I'm being crushed on my shoulders and on my chest. However, just living in the moment removes that weight, removes the fear, removes the anxiety. This week I've been taking each day as it comes; and it's already Thursday!
My grades are going up, the days are going by faster, and I'm much less sick. I still haven't gone to the gym because honestly I'm not very motivated to. At this point there are no intense hikes on my list, there are no high altitudes to weather, and I don't feel a pull to go to the gym. I'm still working on my eating, I've got a great plan for next week's eating that I'm genuinely excited about. I feel good, I can genuinely say that.
This weekend I'm going to spend time with Abby and her friends, I'm going to different bars than normal, a different part of the city that normal, and will be spending time with different people than normal. I think doing different things each week will help me to identify what I enjoy here, and if I go hiking in a few weeks maybe that'll help too; to see if I really miss it. I'll be visiting my family and friends in 6 short weeks which will further help me decide what I want in my life. The middle of the year was rocky but I plan to end it with a smooth finish.

Halloweekend

Day 75 (10/28/2016)
The weekend started out Friday night at the regular frat party. Emily and I had a very tough time deciding what costumes we'd wear this weekend for each event. Emily is obsessed with Star Wars, so we took that route. I wore a black Star Wars t-shirt with black pants, and a Darth Vader mask. She wore a white "Don't Be Basic" t-shirt that had clone wars storm troopers on it, as well as a storm troopers mask. Honestly, the masks were impossible to see out of, so we didn't really wear them. There were so many people, and costumes, and cliques at the party. It was a great time. Of course we got naan that night and left at the reasonable hour of 11 pm.
On Saturday I slept in so long, it was amazing. Before we got food, Google had a popup store on National Cat Day that had cats and phones and goodies! We took pictures with kitties and scarfed down too many cake pops. The new Google phones have a lot of cool features like the best camera ever one a phone (literally), a fingerprint scanner on the back, and a lot of built in Google features that most people don't utilize.
We headed downtown Manhattan towards Spring Street to go to a pizza shop called "Artichoke Pizza". Due to the name of the shop, we each got a slice of artichoke pizza. Now, the pizza was so big it took up two paper plates, the crust was about an inch thick, and was covered in artichoke dip. The picture doesn't do the pizza justice. It was about the length from my mid palm to my elbow. It was warm, and creamy, and cheesy it was phenomenal... and way more than we expected.
Neither of us finished our pizza because we had stilled planned to go get ice cream.
We walked around for about a half an hour looking for dogs, watching a bird man, and looking at peoples costumes in the park. Washington Square park is in the heart of the NYU campus. A lot of students study there, a lot of performers sing or dance or draw there, and a lot of people just enjoy a stroll through the small park.
Neither of us were ready yet, but we got our ice cream. Not just any ice cream, rolled ice cream. They take basically melted ice cream, pour it over a below freezing metal sheet, mix in toppings, spread it thin, and roll it up. I got cookies and cream because that's my obsession and Emily got matcha ice cream with boba in it. Honestly, our stomachs were dying and we were definitely going into a food coma. We both took naps then had to costume plan for the next party. We decided on Tom Cruise from Risky Business because it's the easiest costume ever. The first party was at a bar, the next at a frisbee house, and back to the frat house. Long story short, we didn't go home until 6:00 in the morning on Sunday and I didn't even get my laundry done that day. The weekend was great and honestly the greatest part was realizing that spaghetti fits my weekly macros!
I meal prepped for dinner and lunch and didn't buy any groceries that I could pig out on.
I'll feeling better finally today, feeling less sick, and will have a weekend full of Christmas movies, tea, soup, blankets, and ice cream.
I thoroughly enjoy my weekends with a lot of friends and parties, but I even more so enjoy my weekends at home with a few trips out for food.
Winter is coming and Christmas is finally in the air.

A Work in Progress

Day 81 (11/3/2016)
This weekend was a lot of fun (which I'll post about after this). I have a lot of genuine friends here and this weekend just solidified that. In realizing that I was making friends again I realized that I will, too, have to say goodbye to them one day. I will once again go through with my New York friends the same thing as I went through with my Oregon friends. For some reason the thought of always having to say goodbye was really upsetting me.
I emailed my mom and she gave me an answer I didn't want to hear "you will say good bye to people for the rest of your life, you will move, they will move, also changing jobs means saying good bye, and people will die.  Saying good bye is something you will need to learn to deal with... you need to stop focusing on what is going to happen in June.  You need to focus on today.  I am sure you have heard this before, but “Tomorrow is not a guarantee.”  Stop worrying about tomorrow, live in the now." Although I didn't want to hear it, I listened. I didn't reply. I let the message resonate.
I've realized that had I stayed in Salem or it's surrounding cities I would have been happy to be close to my friends and family, and I would have enjoyed my time. Also, if I stay here I'll be happy to be close to my new friends and I'll enjoy my time.
I've feared that if I move somewhere I don't know anyone at all my age (Bend) that I won't be able to make any friends, acquaintances, or connections. I'm currently (for now, haha) confident in the fact that no matter where I live at any time in my life, I will be social, I will make connections, and I won't be isolated. I also don't want to constantly worry about my social life because that should be the least of my worries.
I've been putting a lot of focus on things that aren't important. In the meantime I've fallen behind in school, health, and sleep. I feel a little bit "freed" this week. I feel okay doing whatever feels right to me. I'll have friends all over the world and I'll always have mom and pops and dad to go home to. I've been working diligently on my school work, I've been staying focused, and this weekend I'll be staying in bed eating soup and drinking tea to kick this sickness so I can have my energy and positivity back.
You can prepare and plan a decision as much as you want, but until you actually do it, you'll never know how it feels. I no longer dread my commute to work, I don't hate the bitter cold, and the honking is growing on me. I'm focusing on enjoy every little moment now instead of focusing on everything that I'm 'missing' in Oregon. I look forward to seeing old friends for Thanksgiving week, I'm looking forward to seeing family for Christmas, but I'm also looking forward to walking home in the wind tonight, listening to music on the train, and watching the trees change colors as I pass them by. I have a lot of good memories but I'm also making more right this very minute.