Day by Day

Day 89 (11/10/2016)
This week has flown by! I feel like I was just doing laundry and cooking lunches for the week, now it's already almost time to do it again.
This weekend I saw my friend Abby. She went to West as well and I've known her since sophomore year. We had college writing together and were about the only two on the same wave length as our teacher. She goes to a preforming arts school and it was so great to see her. It's nice to be able to have someone out here who I genuinely considered a friend in Salem and now still in New York. She has a lot of similar views and values as I, which makes things even better. She loves New York and plans to stay here for the greater portion of her future... but she wants to work on Broadway and New York is the only place you'll find that.
Talking to her and hearing about all the adventuring she has done here made me think that maybe I do want to stay here. I thought about how I could work for a small activist company, spend every other weekend going upstate to find a hike, and spend every other weekend exploring the city. But then I talked to Breonna. She always helps me clarify things, "whatever you choose to do just make sure it's what you want and what's best for you!" I have an unfortunate amount of consideration for other people's opinions and I let other people's desires to stay in NY effect my potential desires. Obviously I've only been here for (almost) three months and still have so much time to find my niche, decide what I want to do net year, and continue to explore the city that I live in now. I've just been taking time to be in the moment and say "that feels right in my life" or "this makes me feel uneasy" or "this is something I would do again". Staying present has really helped me feel better.
When I try to think about next year or the next three years I feel like there's a huge weight on me. I feel like I'm being crushed on my shoulders and on my chest. However, just living in the moment removes that weight, removes the fear, removes the anxiety. This week I've been taking each day as it comes; and it's already Thursday!
My grades are going up, the days are going by faster, and I'm much less sick. I still haven't gone to the gym because honestly I'm not very motivated to. At this point there are no intense hikes on my list, there are no high altitudes to weather, and I don't feel a pull to go to the gym. I'm still working on my eating, I've got a great plan for next week's eating that I'm genuinely excited about. I feel good, I can genuinely say that.
This weekend I'm going to spend time with Abby and her friends, I'm going to different bars than normal, a different part of the city that normal, and will be spending time with different people than normal. I think doing different things each week will help me to identify what I enjoy here, and if I go hiking in a few weeks maybe that'll help too; to see if I really miss it. I'll be visiting my family and friends in 6 short weeks which will further help me decide what I want in my life. The middle of the year was rocky but I plan to end it with a smooth finish.