I’ve
tried a lot of different eating habits – low carb, low sugar, restricted
calories, flux dieting, no dairy – but nothing has left me with sustainable
results. Since the beginning of summer I’ve definitely lost muscle in my legs
and gained fat just about everywhere else which has left me unhappy with my
looks and with my overall health. I’m excited to go to the gym tonight and do
another hour of cardio. I think starting out by doing 2 days of cardio a week
and one day of weights for a month is a good way to reset my body and my
mentality.
I’ve stopped trying to force myself
to go to the gym at 6:00 in the morning just to avoid people, so I have since
sucked it up and dealt with the 7:00pm gym rush. Since being really set on living out my
next 3 years in Bend, Oregon I’ve had a lot more motivation. Walking around on
a flat concrete surface – even for a large amount of miles – doesn’t require a
lot of physical strength at my current state. However, hiking, biking, swimming,
boarding, and climbing do.
Last week, as I’ve said, I took a
lot of time off from people and social outings. I stayed in and thought about “if
I could do anything right now, what would it be?” The answer wasn’t “go see the
Empire State Building” or “go to a party” or “go window shopping”, my answer was
“go outside”. Just in general. I wanted to smell fresh air and see clean trees.
Personally, I’ve been surprised by how much I’ve been missing the outdoors until I talked to my mom. She, and everyone else in my family, thinks I’m crazy
for being surprised by this. As a kid I was always outside on my scooter, or
roller blades, or at my elementary school playing foursquare, or at a park, or
swinging in my dad’s backyard. I constantly had to be doing something and I was
constantly outside with friends, but because I was fat I never thought of myself
as an outdoorsy person. It’s funny what effects a poor body image can have on
the rest of your life.
I’m enjoying my time here with my
roommate, new friends, and old friends. I love the city lights and the restaurants,
I love the ice cream and the clubs. I genuinely enjoy my days here but I’m excited
to be working towards the goals I have set for my future. I’m excited
for the school program I hope to join in the fall, and I’m excited to be close
to the beach, the mountains, the forest, the water, and the desert.
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