This weekend was a lot of fun (which I'll post about after this). I have a lot of genuine friends here and this weekend just solidified that. In realizing that I was making friends again I realized that I will, too, have to say goodbye to them one day. I will once again go through with my New York friends the same thing as I went through with my Oregon friends. For some reason the thought of always having to say goodbye was really upsetting me.
I emailed my mom and she gave me an answer I didn't want to hear "you will say good bye to people for the rest of your life, you will move, they will move, also changing jobs means saying good bye, and people will die. Saying good bye is something you will need to learn to deal with... you need to stop focusing on what is going to happen in June. You need to focus on today. I am sure you have heard this before, but “Tomorrow is not a guarantee.” Stop worrying about tomorrow, live in the now." Although I didn't want to hear it, I listened. I didn't reply. I let the message resonate.I've realized that had I stayed in Salem or it's surrounding cities I would have been happy to be close to my friends and family, and I would have enjoyed my time. Also, if I stay here I'll be happy to be close to my new friends and I'll enjoy my time.
I've feared that if I move somewhere I don't know anyone at all my age (Bend) that I won't be able to make any friends, acquaintances, or connections. I'm currently (for now, haha) confident in the fact that no matter where I live at any time in my life, I will be social, I will make connections, and I won't be isolated. I also don't want to constantly worry about my social life because that should be the least of my worries.
I've been putting a lot of focus on things that aren't important. In the meantime I've fallen behind in school, health, and sleep. I feel a little bit "freed" this week. I feel okay doing whatever feels right to me. I'll have friends all over the world and I'll always have mom and pops and dad to go home to. I've been working diligently on my school work, I've been staying focused, and this weekend I'll be staying in bed eating soup and drinking tea to kick this sickness so I can have my energy and positivity back.You can prepare and plan a decision as much as you want, but until you actually do it, you'll never know how it feels. I no longer dread my commute to work, I don't hate the bitter cold, and the honking is growing on me. I'm focusing on enjoy every little moment now instead of focusing on everything that I'm 'missing' in Oregon. I look forward to seeing old friends for Thanksgiving week, I'm looking forward to seeing family for Christmas, but I'm also looking forward to walking home in the wind tonight, listening to music on the train, and watching the trees change colors as I pass them by. I have a lot of good memories but I'm also making more right this very minute.
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