Food and Life Updates

Day 255 (4/27/17)

Although the title suggests the latter, let's start with life. Currently at this precise moment in time I'm very happy. I know who my true friends are and I have a great little handful of them. I'm starting a workout program next week that is 100% me based -- not to look better, not to compete better, but to feel better. I want to be healthy, I'm going to be healthy and since moving to New York I have let my health go. I've been getting up at 6:00 in the morning to prepare

for working out early starting next week.
I also am loving my classes: art is easy and informative, health/personal fitness is life changing, anthropology give me a lot of good arguing points, and psychology makes me realize that everyone is a little f*cked up.
I have a mere 38 days left in the big apple, the city that never sleep, New York. Since I was an annoying 12-year-old brat, I told everyone and there grandma's dog (thanks for that one, Joe) that I was going to move to NYC after high school... although I told them I was going to live here forever and be a rich real estate agent too... at least I did what I said I would and what I wanted to at the time. I've put a lot of negativity on myself being disappointed for not liking NY. But that's not fair to me; how was I to know whether I liked living here unless I tried it? I came, I succeeded, I conquered and now I've decided that I want something else. I have been accepted to COCC in Bend and am waiting to hear back from OSU Cascades. I have a great plan for this summer and for next year. I'm so excited to smell fresh air, stomp in fresh mud, and start a fresh beginning. I love my roommate dearly, however we already have trips/activities planned for the next three years -- I think we'll be okay.
Now for Bonnie's favorite part: FOOD! Let's see, the last few weeks I've has a Korean waffle cone style ice cream, a spaghetti doughnut, and the best ice cream in the life... and in America, or so voted by Food Network.
"Smorgasburg is the largest weekly open-air food market in America, attracting 20,000-30,000 people to Brooklyn each weekend to eat from 100 local vendors." Smorgasburg is an amazing hub of crazy delicious food where I have gotten 3 of the best dishes in my life thus far. Two weekends ago it was Wowful -- the Korean waffle cone. The waffle cone has bubbles that are hallow and flakey. The ice cream was rainbow vanilla with Oreo's, strawberries, chocolate sauce, and pokey (another Korean treat). Surprising as large as the ice cream looks it wasn't very dense and didn't leave me feeling dead afterwards.
Last weekend was the spaghetti doughnut. It's not as gross as it sounds. It's spaghetti in the shape of a doughnut. I personally love spaghetti and this was the most revolutionary and mess free way to eat your favorite comfort food! It was a little dry on the outside, but other than that, the texture was amazing, the portion was perfect, and variety was plentiful. Emily got the Man 'n' Cheese one whereas I got the original red sauce one. If I could figure out how to make these I would never have traditional spaghetti again.
Now. For the best ice cream ever. Shout out to mom and pops for watching food shows and keeping me updated about what's in my own city. Ample Hills Creamery. I got a scoop of the "Munchies" which included vanilla ice cream with pretzels, Ritz Crackers, potato chips, and M&M's. I also got a scoop of "Ooey Gooey" of which is vanilla ice cream with chunks, and I mean chunks, of St. Louis style butter cake. I almost regret going here because no ice cream will ever be the same. Either way I hope to have more amazing food in the last few weeks here that I can (virtually) share with you all!

Love Thyself

The notion of hating yourself is romanticized in the media. Some poor lonely girl who’s gorgeous, smart, competent, and has a bright future – yet she hates herself. Then a boy comes along who she barely, slowly, lets in after months and months of him proclaiming his love for her she finally opens up and discovers what everyone else see’s in her.
Hating yourself isn’t romantic… but it’s also not worked on often. Girls hates themselves for their whole lives. Why? Because they put all their ‘self-love’ into someone else. They wait for someone else to make them see how great they are. How does this make sense? How can you love yourself through someone else’s eyes? That’s not how life works. You can hate yourself, you can want to die, you can dismiss your reflection, and yell at yourself and cut yourself and… but at the end of the day you still are who you are. You’re still going to feel lost or ugly or fat. You’re still going to hate your stretch marks or moles or fat roles. But why? Why is there such a social need to hate yourself? How can we even say “I’m not as ____ as them.” How?! Of course you’re not at _____ as them! They’re different! Your finger print isn’t as loopy as theirs, does that make you hate yourself? No? Oh, so only some differences matter? Well then everyone should hate themselves because everyone is different.
Hating yourself isn’t romantic. It’s self-destructive. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror change it. Change it because YOU want see YOURSELF when you look in the mirror. Not because you want to see THEM in the mirror. If you don’t like what you hear in your head, change what YOU say. You only have power over yourself. Change what you do and what you say and how you act and who you interact with because you want to feel more like yourself, not because you want to feel like or look like them.
Hating yourself isn’t romantic. Being sick isn’t romantic. Being depressed isn’t romantic. Being lonely isn’t romantic. It’s miserable. It takes work. It takes strength. Unneeded work and strength. Love yourself and love yourself without a “but” at the end. Comparing yourself to other people takes so much nitpicking and energy and measurements. Just love yourself and gravitate towards what makes you feel and look more yourself.

Food, Vacations, and Good Nights Out

Day 221 (3/24/2017)
Oh. My. Lanta. I've had so much happen in the past few weeks I'm not ever sure where to begin! Let's start with food: breakfast quesadillas, doughnut ice cream, doughnuts, cake, and cookie dough. Since moving to New York I have become so much more adventurous with my food choices and so much more open to trying foods I used to not like. My breakfast quesadilla had thick slices of tomato which would have sent me running in the past -- boy howdy was I sure glad I didn't run. The tortillas were thick and flaky, the tomatoes tasted like tomato jam (ask mama to send you a jar if you've never heard of it). All in all 10/10, thanks Emily for knowing the perfect Mexican Restaurant!
The cake. Oh the cake, darn you Justine for knowing all the delicious bakeries to go to. At 2:00 in the afternoon right after having my amazing quesadilla I had an enormous piece of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Not only was the cake dense but so was the frosting. Personally the frosting is my favorite part of every cake, so being that there were copious amounts of it, I was happy. Justine and Emily got red velvet and matcha croissants which looked divine.You know me: ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. The best ice cream I've had in a while was from SoftSwerve. I got black sesame ice cream with Reese's Puffs in a chocolate cone. The texture was amazing and the aesthetic was even better.
As many of you have probably heard, edible cookie dough is all the rage right now. DO is an ice cream style cookie dough parlor that serves edible cookie dough by the scoop in a cone, a dish, ice cream sandwich, or even a milkshake. There are a lot of different dough flavors: fluffer nutter, birthday cake, s'mores, etc. I got three scoops and regretted it because I forgot how heavy cookie dough is! I have been strangely obsessed with peanut butter since I moved here so of course I got peanut butter with Reese's Pieces, s'more, and birthday cake. Each dough has a different texture and taste and flavor combo, it was well worth the two hour wait.
In between eating my weight in sugar I finished my second term of college! This term was really hard for me. It started right after I came back fro a trip home and was feeling really down about missing everyone. During this term I also had trouble deciding whether or not to stay in New York or where to go in general. I have decided that Bend is still right for me and I am extremely excited to dedicate my life to health, wellness, and the great outdoors. I have been making time for the gym again which feels great and spring break couldn't have come at a better time -- I've been needing some rest. I love, love, love my life here and the friends I've made and the places I've gotten used to and everything... but I'm very ready to go back to Oregon. I'm going to miss everyone terribly, but life isn't about focusing on what you're missing it's about focusing on where you're going. I'll be very excited to have grass outside my door, the coast an hour away, and my car parked right outside.
Although I'll be excited to return to Oregon in a few months, I've got a big stop along the way -- Costa Rica!! Emily, her friend, and I decided to take a trip to Costa Rica the last weekend in May. I'm beyond excited to travel outside of the country and have my first time be with my best friend. I don't know what Costa Rica will bring, I don't know what we'll do, but once we do it I'll let you know. Two days after we get back from Costa Rica, Emily and I will be going to Gov Ball which in a music festival in NY with an amazinggg lineup from Lorde, to YG, and Schoolboy Q, Flume, A$AP Ferg... Needless to say it'll be a great way to end my time here. I'm sad, apprehensive, and excited for the changes to come.

Birthday Weekend

Day 200 (3/3/2017)
19 seemed so old to me, yet, now that I'm 19 I know I'm still a youngin'. This weekend was amazing and I owe it 100% to my amazing roommate and the friends I've acquired here!
Friday night we went to the frat house as per usual, but I had a ton of fun. Even though the majority of the people I see on Fridays, I only see on Friday's, I strongly consider them close friends. Once a week we're all guaranteed to have a reunion and I look forward to it every day. Fortunately we stay out until roughly 6am every Friday so I was technically able to spend my birthday with like 40 people.
Justine and Emily kept screaming "10 MORE MINUTES" "5 MORE MINUTES" "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" Everyone drunkenly sang to me and it seemed like a scene from a low budget movie. I got home around 6 in the morning that day and woke up feeling...... the same as 18.
Emily and I got up and didn't stroll out of the house until around 2:00. It was a beautiful day -- 65 and sunny. Although I loved not spending my birthday in the rain or snow, global warming is real. Any who. We headed down to China Town and got dim sum! It was kind of crazy! It's a ballroom style room with a bunch of 8-seat circle table and these Chinese ladies come around with carts of food calling out what they have. You ask what they have, tell them what you want and they make a mark on this little golf card looking paper. I don't even know what we had, it was a whole lot of different types of dumplings, but they were delicious. Shrimp, pork, veggie, all sorts of dumplings. Also rice balls. Emily loves them, but the regular sized ones are too much for me, the mini ones were perfect.
After our (late) lunch, of course I needed a dessert. If you've ever heard of the show "DC Cupcakes" on TLC, they're a cupcake shop, Georgetown Cupcakes, that have a shop in NYC! They were delicious! I got the cookies and cream -- vanilla cake with Oreo in it with cookies and cream cheese frosting. Emily got birthday vanilla which was vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. I thought "how good can a cupcake get" but man were they good. The cake was semi crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside, and the frosting was perfectly creamy.
Being the pseudo hippy that I am, I wanted to go see a psychic and get my palms read. All in all the lady told me my future is bright, I love the water, I'll die of old age not sickness, and the next change in my life will be successful.
After the psychic we went and saw "A Cure For Wellness" which in my opinion was a good movie, it just took too long to get to the point. The first two hours are almost completely unrelated to the last 30 minutes, of which has the bulk of the substantial content. Emily will disagree and tell you it was a terrible movie. Tonight we'll be getting doughnuts and seeing Moonlight.
All in all I had a great birthday and now I'm less than two yeas away from 21! God, I'm young. But that's okay, because all anyone else wants is time, but for me, that's all I have.
I've spent the majority of my life planning out each year with finite possibilities. When I was younger I "knew" I was going to move to New York, sell real estate, invest, acquire more money, move upstate, have a big house, etc. -- I had it planned step by step. Then when I moved to New York and wasn't thrilled with it I planned "I'm going to go back to Oregon, go to Bend for school for 3 years, then move to SoCal, get a job in ecotourism or personal fitness, hike a lot, live in a small home, eventually settle into a country home" etc. -- I had it planned out once again step by step. But now, I think I want to stay in New York a while longer. I don't feel like I'm done here and I don't feel like I'm quite ready to give up being Emily's roommate. I don't know what I'll do for a living because I don't want to have this job, I'm not exactly sure where I'll live, what I'll major in, what I'll do after our next lease is up, or even if I'll stay past this June. But. I have options. So many options -- that's the good part.

Back on the Struggle Bus

Day 185 (2/16/2017)
As the title infers, I've been struggling again. About three weeks ago I had a total break down and what I think was my first legitimate panic attack. I got behind in school, was failing a class, and was at risk for loosing my scholarship. Since then I've gotten caught up and have raised that F to a C.
I'm sick right now and have once again gotten a little behind in school. It's not that anything is late, I just haven't started anything other than one class -- but nothing is due until Tuesday.
In my FYE class we talk all about self motivation and self responsibility and all that "self" stuff. I know that I am solely responsible for going to work, getting my schooling done, not sleeping in, getting good grades, etc, but to be honest... I don't want to. I don't want to do my school work, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to wake up. I get out of bed at the latest time possible... and I don't know why. I feel so weak mentally and physically. I honestly feel like a rag doll that someone is trying to pick up (the stronger part of me) but the doll is just flimsy (the unmotivated part of me).
I want to get good grades, I want to be physically fit, I want to read, I want to be social, I want to be energized, I want to be motivated, but I'm not any of those things. You are what you do not what you think.
I don't do anything, honestly. This week I got one of my classes done so far. I have three more to do by Monday night. This week I've come home every night, laid down on the couch, and watched TV until I decide to go lay down in my bed and sleep instead -- rough life, huh? Right now I'm sick with a pretty bad cold and although I would love to pause time for a day and just sleep the sickness away, I can't. Assignments are still due, time still ticks, and things progress.
I kind of feel stuck. I feel like nothing has really changed since I was 14 -- I still dress the same, I'm still unhappy with my body, I still have anxiety, I'm still trying to change, I still can't focus. I know that I have made progress rationally, but emotionally and irrationally I feel like I haven't made any progress within myself. There's still so much I want to do with myself and I feel like I have no time, I feel as though I'm so focused outwardly that I can't focus inwardly. I'm finding myself slowly, there are bits and pieces of myself that I love, but all my pieces don't really fit together.
Some days I want to be a 90's rocker chick, some days I want to be a 70's hippy, and some days I want to live in the country with horses and goats and cows. I have all these different pieces of me that don't really go together. I really want to go to school and do well but I also just want to work and save up a bunch of money, but I also just really want to go to the gym and go outside. I'm hoping that once I get back to Oregon everything for me will fall together again, I just have to remember that wherever I go, there I am. I can change my physical location but mentally I'll always be there and unless I change that nothing else with change.
On a positive note this weekend I went to brunch with Justine and the Emily, Justine, and I got our auras read. It was really cool to do something hippy dippy like that because I love that stuff. Emily and I of course went to the frat on Friday and kept it low key Saturday. Last week I stayed on top of all of my homework and was really proud of myself. I think today, tomorrow, and Saturday I want to get the rest of my school work done so Sunday I can go to a movie, do some yoga, and just keep it low key.

Snow, Ice Cream, Parties, and More

Day 179 (2/9/2017)
The last few weeks have been filled with a lot of school work for me and a lot of working from home for Emily. However, of course we've made time for ice cream.
 Last week finally went to an NYU party again. We had so much fun and it was amazing to see everyone again. I love these people and I'm so happy to have met everyone. We stayed out until around 4 in the morning which made the next day kind of hand, but it was all worth it.
Breonna tagged me in a video on Facebook of a bakery that has large ice cream sandwiches oozing with ice cream. I got peanut butter cookies with dark chocolate ice cream. It was huge, rich, and a perfect combo of cookie and ice cream. It was hyped up a lot more in the video but it was still really good. Of course as we were walking home we smelled curry and had to get chicken curry with naan so we were stuffed.
On Sunday was the super bowl, however after going out so much I needed a day to recharge. It was nice to just stay home get my school work done, do my laundry, go grocery shopping, and meal prep. Go Patriots!!! Ryan Allen went to my high school so of course I have to root for them.
This week has been pretty good. I've been staying on top of my school work and getting ahead. Also the weather has been amazing; yesterday was 65 degrees and sunny -- I went outside without any jacket on for the first time in over 4 months. It was amazing.... until 5:00 this morning when it started to snow. We've had terrible winter storm warning and are expected to get 10-14 inches of snow. Right now it is 2:00 and we have about a foot of snow already. Also, it's supposed to keep going like this for 2 more hours. ALSO we have 25-45 mile an hour winds which means we have a blizzard.
Emily was supposed to go to Oregon for the weekend but her flight was canceled before it even started snowing. Then we got her switched to a flight out of Newark and after it started snowing more this morning that flight was then cancelled.
At this point Emily is working from home and I'm doing homework as we both listen to a movie in the background. It's kind of nice to be stuck at home for the day. Taking a break. Watching the snow fall. Sipping hot chocolate and eating cookie dough. Although we love to go places and find new things to do each weekend, it's nice to just be grounded at home watching movies and telling way too many jokes. The fact that I'll be moving away in 112 short days is a scary thought. I'm so much more of and outdoorsy country person than I ever realized -- I just hope it ends up being right for me. I love the friends I've made here and Emily has become a best friend. It's disheartening to think that soon she'll just be another friend I text every few months and see every few years.
In life things change, people move, and friends cycle. I always find myself falling in love with a way of life and when that way of life changes, it's hard for me to let go and view it as a fond memory. I love New York and I know I'm going to love Bend -- I just hope the mental transition doesn't take as much of a toll on me this time. I'm so excited for my future but I'm also excited for right now. Each day I wake up and I know that I live in New York -- a place I've wanted to live for 6 years. Each day I wake up knowing that I'm fully capable of supporting myself. Each day I wake up knowing that I have a best friend 6 steps away from me and 6 hours away from me. These past 5 months have been amazing for me, and it's only been 5 months. I still have 3 years left of college and a whole life ahead of me. I'm so excited to see where I go and I know that I can do anything I put my mind to -- I've proved that to myself.

It's Just Life Now

Day 165 1/26/2017
I don't really know what to post anymore. I've eaten a lot of amazing food, I've gone to a lot of amazing places, but now I've settled into my life here. I have 40 hours of work and now 40 hours of school work. The majority of my time is spent in front of a computer either working on work or homework.
I've learned a lot this term already and it's only week three. I'm taking a class called Freshman Year Experience because it's required for my scholarship. It teaches you how to stay on a successful path throughout college and life. Thus far it's been amazing. I've been able to diagnose my own "victim" mind set at times and fix it. I've come to realize that I can't control everything, as much as I want to, but I can control my reaction and decisions. I'm very happy to say that I've been keeping busy at work, I've been staying on top of school, and I've been working out five days a week. I'm doing a 20 week cut although it's not "cutting season". I really want to lose about 15-20 pounds in 20-30 weeks. Then I want to up my calories to 1800-2200 and do a little less cardio and a lot more weights.
It's really an awesome feeling to just accept total control for yourself. Mentally and physically. I've seen changes in my body and it's because of the work that I have put it. It's because of my dedication and commitment. I've been paying close attention to my body to make sure I'm not dizzy, I don't have headaches, and I'm not always starving. I've eaten in a high deficit but I did it for way too long and it was out of self hate. This time I'm only cutting for 20-30 weeks (instead of 3 years) and I'm also allowing myself to have sugar and carbs a little on the weekends and up my calories by a couple hundred once a week. All in all I've already lost about 5 pounds, my clothes are fitting looser, and my energy is up.
This week I finally hung up a tapestry that Breonna and Brandon got me for Christmas -- I love it. It's elephants, gray, and red -- my three favorite things. It makes my room darker and channels my inner hippy, which I love. Also I got fake nails for the first time ever... and removed them two days later. I type pretty fast (thanks to my mama and Mr. Halsey), but with those nails I couldn't do ANYTHING. I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't grab anything, I couldn't do anything. Long story boring I soaked them in acetone for 30 minutes and I have my boy hands back.
I am also happy/sad to say that I have officially booked my flight back to Oregon. The thought of having to pack up all my stuff and ship it back across the country is a little daunting. I have made a life for myself here and I will, in essence, be getting rid of that. I'll smell, see, taste, feel, and hear things for the rest of my life that will remind me of New York. My first apartment, my first time paying rent, my first time becoming comfortable leaving the house alone, my first time cooking all of my own meals, my first time on a plane by myself. New York has provided me with a lot of firsts that I will forever be thankful for and proud of. The skyline will never cease to amaze me, the smells will never cease to intrigue me, and cites will never cease to mesmerize me. Whatever I choose to do from now will never be the same -- it'll be a different adventure filled with different firsts.
This weekend Emily and I will be getting giant ice cream sandwiches and I will be posting pictures!

Strength

Day 155 (1/15/2017)
Sometimes you need to stop talking and just start doing. I’ve been on my journey to health since I was about 15. I was very overweight at the time and in need of a lifestyle change. I dropped 35 pounds over the course of a year and a half and felt great. My blood pressure was normal, my self-confidence was up, and my health was great.

However, I’ve wanted more since about a year ago. Since the beginning/middle of my senior year I knew I wanted more. Sure, I’m healthy. I look fine. I can run. Walk. Hike. Jump. Stretch. This isn’t enough. Losing weight wasn’t hard for me – all I had to do was eat less. Then I slowly started adding in at-home-workouts and I’ve been able to maintain for about two years, which is great. I’m not going to discredit myself because getting off the couch is as hard for me as it is anyone else. Not eating those goodies is painful. Honestly since moving to New York I haven’t been avoiding crappy food at all. At this point my living in New York isn’t anything new. This is my life for now. I can’t pause my goals just because of my circumstances: you are in control of your reactions.

I’m excited to push myself mentally and physically. At this point I’ve realized that I can’t sit in self-pity over the fact that my New York living isn’t what I thought it was going to be. Okay, things didn’t turn out as expected… what can I focus on that is in my control instead? Myself. I can go to the gym five days a week and kick ass. I can eat like a clean machine. I can push my body to the limit just to see how far it can go. I can stretch myself mentally to enforce my strength.

I’ve done a lot of talking. At this point I’ve been in New York for five months and I only have four and a half left. I’m going to have something to show for it. Strength, control, focus, ambition, success, ability. I’ve had the same desires for over a year, yet I never did anything to reach for them. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result – it’s time to do something different.

Cheers to strength; be it determined for yourself both physically and mentally.

New Year, Same Me

Day 145 (1/6/2017)
It feels very odd to write "2017;" it seems as though 2016 just got here yet it seemed as though 2017 would never get here. In 2016 I graduated from high school, finished my first real job, solidified my best friendships, moved to New York, moved into my first apartment, started college, started working full time, met new friends, and ate a lot of very delicious food.
People can say that 2016 was terrible from Donald Trump getting elected to Carrie Fisher passing. However, I feel as though that is the pitiful way to look at the year. Although I spend enough time for two people sulking in my own mentally made up sorrows, I'd rather not put this whole year behind me as a total bust. Each year brings triumph and defeat -- that doesn't mean either one has to be absolute. Since returning to New York after Christmas vacation in Oregon I have been feeling down. Restless nights spent waking at four in the morning, a lack of emotional energy, and no will to keep any lasting conversation. However, the difference between me now and the January 2016 version of myself is that I know this feeling will not last. I know that tomorrow the sun will rise, the snow may fall, and it will still be up to me to choose what I put my energy towards.
Today, I have lived in New York for 145 days and today I have 145 days left in New York. I could put my energy towards missing home, I could put my energy towards my fear of missing New York once I'm gone, or I could put my energy towards bettering myself each and every day regardless of my circumstances.
Instead of deciding to make a positive change in your life once a year, why don't we decide to make a positive change in our life once a day? I've been going to the gym 3 times a week since I came back after Christmas break (granted it's only been two weeks). Yesterday the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym --I tried to make every excuse. "I'll go Friday and Saturday" "I'll just do a workout at home" "I'm sore so I shouldn't". Even in the midst of making these excuses I was drinking my pre-workout and lacing up my shoes. The old me would have given into these tempting excuses, heck, even 3 weeks ago I would have given into these excuses, but remaining stagnant doesn't induce change.
It's hard when you're feeling down to force yourself out of the comfort of your blanket even when you tell yourself that it'd be for the better. It's easy to give into what's comfortable because it's, well, comfortable. Comfort however, isn't going to change anything. Staying comfortable will take time away from the progress you could be making. I don't like going to the gym and when I'm feeling anxious the last thing I want to do is exert my energy in a crowded room filled with people who look anything but anxious.
I haven't been talking much because I feel like it takes a lot more energy than I have. I've been wound so tight I haven't even called mom which is saying something. I suppose instead of losing my marbles  and winding up tight again I'm trying to slowly cut the tension.
The New Year was fun, Emily and I had the huge artichoke pizza again and then went to a park in Brooklyn that had some cover singers and fireworks. The fireworks were crazy close to us and we thought the beginning of the year would be the end of our lives -- death by firework explosion. Other than that I've been working and reading. School starts up on Monday and I'm excited for my classes.

You Can't Beat Home Sweet Home

Day 136 (12/28/2016)
I had been longing to go home for the holidays. I was picking outfits, counting months, weeks, days, and making December plans in September, I was beyond ready. I left for the airport straight from work Thursday night and everything went smoothly. My flight was perfectly on time and a friend I made in NY was one row behind me!
When I got off the airplane it was a little surreal that I wasn't in New York anymore. I walked through the terminal searching through unfamiliar faces trying to find the one I knew. I found dad and we decided to grab a bite to eat at 1:00 in the morning! Now, in case you didn't know, I went a month and a half without any dessert food -- cookies, candy, chocolate, ice cream, pie, cake, anything. Sharrie's it was! S'mores pie, fries, and a grilled cheese sandwich was a great way to start off my Christmas vacation. Being the admitted talker that I am and the un-admitted talker that my dad is, we stayed up yacking until 4:00 in the morning which left only 4 hours until it was time to wake up. On the way to mom's house we stopped at Ron Tonkin in Wilsonville to check out some Ferrari's. I'm more of an old Rolls Royce and Cadillac type of gal, but they were pretty sweet.
I got to mom and pops and was beyond excited to see all of our
Christmas decorations alive and well. I walked in the door to hug pops and I finally felt my anxiety slip away. I was done counting down, I was done traveling, packing, waiting, and I was finally home. We went to visit mom at work and they fortunately let her leave early. We picked up my car from the body shop with it's beautiful new door and I hit the road.
I went to Maps in Monmouth to visit my dearly missed Maps Family. It was so great to see all of them and our dear friend Kelly. Honestly, the only way I could every get caught up with all of them is if I were there every day with them. I miss them dearly and hope their new NY mugs leave a little piece of me with them as their "Monmouth, OR" sticker leaves them with me.
Breonna and Emma are family. They're my sisters. I talk to them every single day and I couldn't hug them tight enough or talk with them long enough or laugh with them hard enough. Those two are the best friends I could have ever hoped to ask for and I am more than thankful for everything they have done for me. From decorating cookies, to eating too many sweets, to staying out late, and watching Christmas movies I couldn't have asked for anything more.
My dear uncle Tracy drove all the way over from Medford to visit the family -- I couldn't talk to everyone for very long but it was great to see him and I can't wait to live close to him. My sister was over all weekend and it was nice to be woken up early on Christmas instead of waking people up early. My dear Jonathan stopped by as well as Ariana and Dalia. I think everyone realizes how much it sucks being away from each other so everyone is making as many plans as possible for summer.
All in all, it was great to be back home. It gave me an extra boost of confidence and energy. I miss the clean air and family and trees and friends and rain with all of my heart, but I still have adventures left in New York to finish. Of course I'm excited to come home in June and yes, New York is still not the place for me however, these facts can not be my focus. I have ice cream to eat, a gym to hit, friends to laugh with, and a roommate to plan with still.
Thank you to everyone who saw me for Christmas and who has continued to follow and support my story. Happy Holidays!
Also: animal therapy is real and I missed my kitty's so much.

'Tis the Season for Ice Skating!

Day 122 (12/14/2016)
Everyone has asked me to go ice skating in New York so that they could see pictures. To be honest, the thought of ice skating was a bit scary being that I fall often without the added hardship of a thin blade on ice. Emily was out with a friend and they decided to invite four other people out including me. Emily was a doll and paid for my ticket so when I got off the subway I could just go to booth 7 and grab my bracelet.
We went to Bryant Park and they have the ice rink set up in hour and a half schedules so when I get there we had some waiting to do. As it turns out, everyone who we were with (six people) were all from Oregon. Emily and I from Salem, a couple from Eugene, and a couple from Portland. It still cracks me up that 3000 miles away in a city with over seven million people I always end up in a group of Oregonians.
Ice skates are supposed to be tight, but for me they were huge because they were out of my size and even the one above it. I stepped on the ice and immediately yanked on Emily's shoulders... I was a mess. After a few "step glide step glide" lessons I thought I had the hang of it... until I fell... three times. The skates were too big, the ice was too scraped, and I was too off balance. Fortunately I have an amazing roommate with ice skating experience and she held my hand the whole way. The crisp air and bright lights made for an amazing view. There were twinkling trees, steaming hot chocolates, and cold breaths. Skating on ice is a one of a kind feeling and was a great kick off to my Christmas spirit.
This weekend I was very productive and finished all of my Christmas shopping. We ventured out to Korean town -- I didn't even know that was a thing -- to see some cheap souvenir shops and yummy
coffee.
To reward ourselves for spending money for all of our Christmas presents we spent even more money on clothes! Blesses Buy, the second hand store near us, never disappoints. Although my wonderful parents sent me base layers and scarves and gloves I've still been cold. At Blessed Buy I got a giant sweater, a giant cardigan, a very "Manhattan" jacket, and another scarf. I was so happy to have more warm clothes and I'm excited to have even more after Christmas (wink wink). Although this weekend was great, the best part was that it snowed! Everyone in Oregon was posting pictures of snow and I was so jealous. Although we only got a dusting here and it didn't stick, it solidified the feeling of Christmas and gave me hope for January when we're supposed to get the most amount of snow.
It's crazy that It'll be Christmas so soon and I'll be in Oregon next Thursday. I'm really really really happy and excited to see everyone. I still don't really see people throughout the day especially since there haven't been parties at NYU I haven't really talked to many people and it kind of gets into my head. I feel boring but I know it's just because I don't really have anything to work on right now; no school, no books, no projects. I'm excited to visit Oregon and see everyone who I can completely be myself with.
Seeing more of the city has made me appreciate it more and I understand why people love it here, heck, I love it here, I just couldn't live my life here. It does get to me when people who moved here from Oregon talk so much shit about Oregon though. Just because it isn't for you doesn't mean it isn't right for others. That's been a huge lesson for me: everyone lives their life differently and that's okay.

Day 115 (12/7/2016)
It's December... already? I still can not wrap my head around how fast these almost four months have gone by. I'm very happy with the person I'm becoming -- less stressed, more active, self aware, and authentic. I'm always looking for more healthy activities to add to my life and over the last few weeks
I've realized how much TV I watch. Way too much! So I decided to write and read after work instead of watching TV... the downfall to this was I only have one book in NY in a series that I really want to read. So now that I've finished one book I have to wait two more weeks to get the rest of the series from Salem.
Also, I've been writing more (not on my blog though). A year or so back I had a 'falling out' of sorts with a family member that left a deeper impact on me than I was originally aware. I wrote a truthful and potentially (rightfully) painful letter to her and it feels good to let go of some nonsense.
Last week, on November 30th, was the Rockefeller Tree Lighting! It started at 7:00pm and one fact I did not know was that a ten block radius surrounding the tree is all shut down and barricaded off starting at 3:00pm. Needless to say there were thousands of people and thousands of steps taken trying to see the tree. I ended up getting there too late to get up close to the tree but I did see a glimpse of it. Either way, it was worth it to me. There were light and trees and ribbons and bows and cold air -- it felt like Christmas. The night was foggy and then soggy; I got caught in a huge rainstorm and ended up sprinting
from 52nd and 5th to 49th and 7th. I didn't get a picture of the tree but I got an amazing picture of a building in the fog.
This weekend was another low key one. Emily had work to do and I had finals. All day on Saturday, meaning 9:00am Saturday morning to 1:00am Sunday morning, I was working on finals... then again all day Sunday... then again part of the day Monday. Despite countless distractions I finished my finals! That means I have officially finished my first term of college which is the craziest thing I have ever said (mind you, I have said some crazy stuff). These almost four months have flown by faster than I could have ever imagined.
When I first got here I was unhappy and sure that time would go by at a snail's pace. I'm so happy to say that I genuinely enjoy living here and will continue to explore the city. I'm happy to be doing well in school, although not as good as hoped for, so that I can transfer to Bend next year.
I haven't been going to the gym because honestly, I haven't wanted to. I'm cold literally all day and when I get home after work I just want to blast the heat and wear 3 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of socks, 2 shirts, and a sweatshirt to finally be warm. I'm not feeling too guilty because I know I have been eating well. About a week and a half ago I decided to have no sweets -- cake, cookies, chocolate, candy, ice cream, froyo, doughnuts -- and no pizza until I go home for Christmas. I'm doing surprisingly well considering that I'm used to having ice cream 1-3 times a weekend.
I'm so so so excited to finally see my friends and family again. The time will be short but it'll be packed with baking and laughing and too many teenagers for my parents to handle.
This coming weekend should be filled with more activities to take pictures of and share with all of you, I'll be sure to post!

Thanksgiving in New York

Day 106 (11/28/2016)
It's crazy how many people I know in New York who were raised in Oregon... Anyways. A friend of mine and Abby's from high school is currently living in Chicago, he's Abby's best friend and came to New York for 5 days! He and Abby stayed at my place and by golly did we do a lot.
Thursday morning we had to wake up at 5:40... but for a good cause! We had to get up early enough to make it to Upper Manhattan in time for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Of course we needed some seasonal caffeinated beverages from Starbucks before standing in the tourist crowded cold. The parade started at 9:00 so we only had to wait for about two hours before it started -- which wasn't bad because we had a lot of jokes to tell and a lot of catching up to do.
I personally don't watch the parade on TV every year, so I didn't know what to expect. The marching band started playing, the clowns starting walking, and the floats started driving. The balloons were huge especially when the wind would start to knock them over and you'd have to brace for potential impact! The marching bands were phenomenal, the balloons were beautiful, and the crowd was wild. I enjoyed the SpongeBob, star, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Pikachu balloons the best. The parade felt as though it went by fast however, by the time it was over it was only 10:30!
To be honest I don't remember the majority of what we did on that Thursday. The most memorable visit was to the World Trade Center. It was a long haul downtown but it was well worth it. The memorial fountains are beautifully engraved with everyone's name who passed during 9/11. The park service keeps track of everyone's birthday and puts a flower out on their names. On 9/24 there were about 7 birthdays; I didn't know this but you can Google the names engraved around the memorial (or on the memorial flag) and it takes you to a blurb written about them by their family. It's beautiful. For our Thanksgiving feast we went to a traditional Ethiopian restaurant and had a "feast for three". The food was delicious -- the spices, the textures, the sauces -- all of it. After walking all up and down Manhattan we were all a little loopy and drew a lot of attention to ourselves while irrationally laughing in the restaurant. After 30,000 steps taken, we earned a good night of sleep.
But! We didn't get it. We decided to watch The Titanic until 2am instead and then proceeded to wake up at 7am. Abby and Matt are vegan so we found an amazing vegan doughnut shop to go to for breakfast, honestly they tasted better to me than regular doughnuts. Friday was a lot: doughnuts, puppies, shopping, pizza, Central Park, The Met, Whole Foods, and a lot of walking. After only 5 hours of sleep and 30,000 more steps, I was pooped. Matt, Abby, and I went back to my place and cooked some dinner before watching The Never Ending Story.
They left early Saturday morning to have a day to themselves before Matt had to go home. All in all I had an amazing time exploring different parts of the city and partaking in many tourist activities. I'm still feeling good, I realized after eating doughnuts and pizza and junk that what you eat really does take a toll on your body. I'm happy to be eating yogurt and granola for breakfast, quinoa stir-fry for lunch, and veggie patty's for dinner this week. I'll be happy to go back to the gym tonight and I'll be delighted to get on an airplane in 24 days.
I'm still feeling great and I know that it'll last because it's completely intrinsic. I've been spending a lot of time just thinking about the person I'd like to be, the things I'd like to do, and the way I'd like to feel; it's been helpful.
Also! I'll be posting a few pictures from this weekend on my Google+ account which you can view by clicking on my name in the top right hand corner!

Day 100

(11/22/2016)
It's been 100 days and a lot has happened! I've cried, I've laughed, I've gotten frustrated, and I've overcome. I've conquered the subway, the LIRR, Brooklyn, Manhattan, and Long Island. I've eaten loads of ice cream, dozens of pancakes, and many pieces of pizza. I've had my fare share of beer, diet peach Snapple, and Swiss Miss marshmallow hot chocolate. I've met new friends, lost old friends, and have stayed steady with best friends. I've reminisced about the past, stressed about the future, and overlooked the present. Needless to say, a lot has changed in these past 100 days. I've broadened my eating habits, I've met people from many different backgrounds, and I've learned what it's like to be young and hungry. I feel like it's okay to say that I'm proud of myself. In Salem I used to not want to go to a coffee shop, or the grocery store, or the mall, or anywhere by myself. I would always ask friends to run errands with me or I'd ask my mom to go. I used to get anxiety thinking about going anywhere public alone, yet here I am. I moved to New York by myself, I went to Manhattan with knots in my stomach by myself, I went to job interviews by myself -- all of it. It's just me. Yes, I talk to my friends and family a lot but they aren't here to physically support me or go to new places with me. They weren't here when I tried all of these new things by myself and honestly, that's huge for me. I'm proud of myself for becoming more open minded, and independent, and adventurous. Honesty, I'm doing great even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes -- that's what matters most.
I listen a lot to other people's advise, which I 1000% appreciate, but I think other people's voices are starting to muffle my own. I keep saying I want to do what *feels* right, yet I keep doing what everyone else is suggesting. I think it's time to stop always asking for advise and start actually living by what I promote.

This weekend was amazing! My friends and I went to a wild rooftop party Friday night and stayed out until 4am; I was so tired I actually fell asleep on the subway. On Saturday I went to a holiday flea market that has teamed up with Smorgasburg (the place with amazing food including the ramen burger). There was amazing food, a ton of people, and vintage clothing and nick-knacks. It was nice to explore Brooklyn a little bit because I usually only venture out in Manhattan.

My friend from Salem who now lives in Chicago is coming to NY tomorrow until Saturday. He, Abby, and I have a lot planned like the Macy's thanksgiving day parade, too much food, and a lot of dessert. I'll be sure to take a ton of pictures and post all about it this weekend.Today I'm feeling amazing. I've done laundry, completed my homework, and have cleaned the house. I didn't make it to the gym today but I didn't beat myself up about it -- I know I'm healthy and I'll make it to the gym when I don't have guests. I get to register for my winter term classes on the 2nd and am excited to be taking a variety of classes next term that will help me earn my TOL degree. I'm excited for what the next 7 months have in store for me.

Freshman Fifteen

 Day 94 (11/16/2016)

I’ve been working on my fitness and health very half-assed. I eat out for pretty much every meal on the weekend and I have ice cream 2-3 days a week. Monday night I went to the gym for the first time in three weeks; I spent an hour on the treadmill alternating between walking, running, mild incline, and steep incline. I did a lot of chores around the house after I got home so on Tuesday Emily thanked me with pizza and beer. We decided that a large sausage, mushroom, and olive pizza would be our last hoorah before we kick things into gear. Honestly, my goal is to move towards a plant based diet – not vegan or vegetarian. I still like burgers, I still like chicken, I still like yogurt, and ice cream, and omelets, and turkey. I just want to base my normal eating habits around mostly fruits, veggies, and whole grains to get away from more processed foods.

I’ve tried a lot of different eating habits – low carb, low sugar, restricted calories, flux dieting, no dairy – but nothing has left me with sustainable results. Since the beginning of summer I’ve definitely lost muscle in my legs and gained fat just about everywhere else which has left me unhappy with my looks and with my overall health. I’m excited to go to the gym tonight and do another hour of cardio. I think starting out by doing 2 days of cardio a week and one day of weights for a month is a good way to reset my body and my mentality.

I’ve stopped trying to force myself to go to the gym at 6:00 in the morning just to avoid people, so I have since sucked it up and dealt with the 7:00pm gym rush. Since being really set on living out my next 3 years in Bend, Oregon I’ve had a lot more motivation. Walking around on a flat concrete surface – even for a large amount of miles – doesn’t require a lot of physical strength at my current state. However, hiking, biking, swimming, boarding, and climbing do.

I’d hate to let my health slip for this year in New York and then return to Oregon with no physical stamina to do the things I’ve been yearning to do.

Last week, as I’ve said, I took a lot of time off from people and social outings. I stayed in and thought about “if I could do anything right now, what would it be?” The answer wasn’t “go see the Empire State Building” or “go to a party” or “go window shopping”, my answer was “go outside”. Just in general. I wanted to smell fresh air and see clean trees. Personally, I’ve been surprised by how much I’ve been missing the outdoors until I talked to my mom. She, and everyone else in my family, thinks I’m crazy for being surprised by this. As a kid I was always outside on my scooter, or roller blades, or at my elementary school playing foursquare, or at a park, or swinging in my dad’s backyard. I constantly had to be doing something and I was constantly outside with friends, but because I was fat I never thought of myself as an outdoorsy person. It’s funny what effects a poor body image can have on the rest of your life.

I’m enjoying my time here with my roommate, new friends, and old friends. I love the city lights and the restaurants, I love the ice cream and the clubs. I genuinely enjoy my days here but I’m excited to be working towards the goals I have set for my future. I’m excited for the school program I hope to join in the fall, and I’m excited to be close to the beach, the mountains, the forest, the water, and the desert. 

Day by Day

Day 89 (11/10/2016)
This week has flown by! I feel like I was just doing laundry and cooking lunches for the week, now it's already almost time to do it again.
This weekend I saw my friend Abby. She went to West as well and I've known her since sophomore year. We had college writing together and were about the only two on the same wave length as our teacher. She goes to a preforming arts school and it was so great to see her. It's nice to be able to have someone out here who I genuinely considered a friend in Salem and now still in New York. She has a lot of similar views and values as I, which makes things even better. She loves New York and plans to stay here for the greater portion of her future... but she wants to work on Broadway and New York is the only place you'll find that.
Talking to her and hearing about all the adventuring she has done here made me think that maybe I do want to stay here. I thought about how I could work for a small activist company, spend every other weekend going upstate to find a hike, and spend every other weekend exploring the city. But then I talked to Breonna. She always helps me clarify things, "whatever you choose to do just make sure it's what you want and what's best for you!" I have an unfortunate amount of consideration for other people's opinions and I let other people's desires to stay in NY effect my potential desires. Obviously I've only been here for (almost) three months and still have so much time to find my niche, decide what I want to do net year, and continue to explore the city that I live in now. I've just been taking time to be in the moment and say "that feels right in my life" or "this makes me feel uneasy" or "this is something I would do again". Staying present has really helped me feel better.
When I try to think about next year or the next three years I feel like there's a huge weight on me. I feel like I'm being crushed on my shoulders and on my chest. However, just living in the moment removes that weight, removes the fear, removes the anxiety. This week I've been taking each day as it comes; and it's already Thursday!
My grades are going up, the days are going by faster, and I'm much less sick. I still haven't gone to the gym because honestly I'm not very motivated to. At this point there are no intense hikes on my list, there are no high altitudes to weather, and I don't feel a pull to go to the gym. I'm still working on my eating, I've got a great plan for next week's eating that I'm genuinely excited about. I feel good, I can genuinely say that.
This weekend I'm going to spend time with Abby and her friends, I'm going to different bars than normal, a different part of the city that normal, and will be spending time with different people than normal. I think doing different things each week will help me to identify what I enjoy here, and if I go hiking in a few weeks maybe that'll help too; to see if I really miss it. I'll be visiting my family and friends in 6 short weeks which will further help me decide what I want in my life. The middle of the year was rocky but I plan to end it with a smooth finish.

Halloweekend

Day 75 (10/28/2016)
The weekend started out Friday night at the regular frat party. Emily and I had a very tough time deciding what costumes we'd wear this weekend for each event. Emily is obsessed with Star Wars, so we took that route. I wore a black Star Wars t-shirt with black pants, and a Darth Vader mask. She wore a white "Don't Be Basic" t-shirt that had clone wars storm troopers on it, as well as a storm troopers mask. Honestly, the masks were impossible to see out of, so we didn't really wear them. There were so many people, and costumes, and cliques at the party. It was a great time. Of course we got naan that night and left at the reasonable hour of 11 pm.
On Saturday I slept in so long, it was amazing. Before we got food, Google had a popup store on National Cat Day that had cats and phones and goodies! We took pictures with kitties and scarfed down too many cake pops. The new Google phones have a lot of cool features like the best camera ever one a phone (literally), a fingerprint scanner on the back, and a lot of built in Google features that most people don't utilize.
We headed downtown Manhattan towards Spring Street to go to a pizza shop called "Artichoke Pizza". Due to the name of the shop, we each got a slice of artichoke pizza. Now, the pizza was so big it took up two paper plates, the crust was about an inch thick, and was covered in artichoke dip. The picture doesn't do the pizza justice. It was about the length from my mid palm to my elbow. It was warm, and creamy, and cheesy it was phenomenal... and way more than we expected.
Neither of us finished our pizza because we had stilled planned to go get ice cream.
We walked around for about a half an hour looking for dogs, watching a bird man, and looking at peoples costumes in the park. Washington Square park is in the heart of the NYU campus. A lot of students study there, a lot of performers sing or dance or draw there, and a lot of people just enjoy a stroll through the small park.
Neither of us were ready yet, but we got our ice cream. Not just any ice cream, rolled ice cream. They take basically melted ice cream, pour it over a below freezing metal sheet, mix in toppings, spread it thin, and roll it up. I got cookies and cream because that's my obsession and Emily got matcha ice cream with boba in it. Honestly, our stomachs were dying and we were definitely going into a food coma. We both took naps then had to costume plan for the next party. We decided on Tom Cruise from Risky Business because it's the easiest costume ever. The first party was at a bar, the next at a frisbee house, and back to the frat house. Long story short, we didn't go home until 6:00 in the morning on Sunday and I didn't even get my laundry done that day. The weekend was great and honestly the greatest part was realizing that spaghetti fits my weekly macros!
I meal prepped for dinner and lunch and didn't buy any groceries that I could pig out on.
I'll feeling better finally today, feeling less sick, and will have a weekend full of Christmas movies, tea, soup, blankets, and ice cream.
I thoroughly enjoy my weekends with a lot of friends and parties, but I even more so enjoy my weekends at home with a few trips out for food.
Winter is coming and Christmas is finally in the air.

A Work in Progress

Day 81 (11/3/2016)
This weekend was a lot of fun (which I'll post about after this). I have a lot of genuine friends here and this weekend just solidified that. In realizing that I was making friends again I realized that I will, too, have to say goodbye to them one day. I will once again go through with my New York friends the same thing as I went through with my Oregon friends. For some reason the thought of always having to say goodbye was really upsetting me.
I emailed my mom and she gave me an answer I didn't want to hear "you will say good bye to people for the rest of your life, you will move, they will move, also changing jobs means saying good bye, and people will die.  Saying good bye is something you will need to learn to deal with... you need to stop focusing on what is going to happen in June.  You need to focus on today.  I am sure you have heard this before, but “Tomorrow is not a guarantee.”  Stop worrying about tomorrow, live in the now." Although I didn't want to hear it, I listened. I didn't reply. I let the message resonate.
I've realized that had I stayed in Salem or it's surrounding cities I would have been happy to be close to my friends and family, and I would have enjoyed my time. Also, if I stay here I'll be happy to be close to my new friends and I'll enjoy my time.
I've feared that if I move somewhere I don't know anyone at all my age (Bend) that I won't be able to make any friends, acquaintances, or connections. I'm currently (for now, haha) confident in the fact that no matter where I live at any time in my life, I will be social, I will make connections, and I won't be isolated. I also don't want to constantly worry about my social life because that should be the least of my worries.
I've been putting a lot of focus on things that aren't important. In the meantime I've fallen behind in school, health, and sleep. I feel a little bit "freed" this week. I feel okay doing whatever feels right to me. I'll have friends all over the world and I'll always have mom and pops and dad to go home to. I've been working diligently on my school work, I've been staying focused, and this weekend I'll be staying in bed eating soup and drinking tea to kick this sickness so I can have my energy and positivity back.
You can prepare and plan a decision as much as you want, but until you actually do it, you'll never know how it feels. I no longer dread my commute to work, I don't hate the bitter cold, and the honking is growing on me. I'm focusing on enjoy every little moment now instead of focusing on everything that I'm 'missing' in Oregon. I look forward to seeing old friends for Thanksgiving week, I'm looking forward to seeing family for Christmas, but I'm also looking forward to walking home in the wind tonight, listening to music on the train, and watching the trees change colors as I pass them by. I have a lot of good memories but I'm also making more right this very minute. 

The Differences I've Noticed

Day 71 (10/24/2016)
Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't been blogging as much. My roommate and I have been mildly sick for the past few weeks so we haven't been doing much adventuring. This weekend was a stay-at-home and watch movies weekend. Since I discovered what I really want to do and where I really want to be, it's been harder to stay focused on the now. But it's gets better every day!

From riding the train, to walking to streets, I've noticed a few minor, yet huge, differences between Oregon and New York.

1) The houses don't have garages. I work in Long Island, there aren't skyscrapers and thousands of people. There are rows and rows of houses with a few main roads of businesses. The houses look different, they're long and skinny, they're mostly brick, and they don't have garages! A lot of people here take public transit such as cabs, Ubers, and train, so garages are needed less. Also, when home owners do have cars the just park on the street... or in their backyard.

2) The backyards are paved! I see rows and rows of backyards for a couple hours a day and probably 80% of them are completely or mostly paved. Sometimes there will be a nice deck, or a nice fire pit area, but often times cars are parked in the backyard. I don't know why? I'm sure people on New York enjoy a nice summers day just as much as people in Oregon? But, maybe they go elsewhere to enjoy it or they're less home-bodied. Either way it makes for an interesting sight.

3) Drivers drive like animals, yet give each other an extreme amount of room when stopped at a light. I constantly hear horns honking, I constantly see cars going the wrong way down a one-way lane, I constantly see close-calls. Yet, when cars are stopped at red light, there's almost a whole cars length in between them. I don't understand they thought process of driving dangerously at high speeds, yet being delicate and careful once stopped.

4) The cars aren't dirty. In Oregon you can tell when a car is new; there's a sleek layer of clear-coat, the tires are jet black, and the headlights are completely unfogged. When I first moved here I kept wondering why every car looked so nice. I'd see a 2001 Hyundai Elantra (the very car I used to drive) and it'd look 10 years newer than mine... It's because there's no dirt. There's no grass or bark on the side of the road, there's no places to go mudding, there's hardly any leaves to fall. There is no dirt, no natural residue, nothing. Nothing get's on the cars to wear them down so even cars from the early 90's look relatively fresh.

5) The temperature difference is very slight. I'm used to leaving for school in the morning in 40 degree weather and coming home in the afternoon in 60 degree weather. However, that's not the case here. In the morning (around 6:00 am) is when the day hits it's coldest. Lately it's been around 65 during the day which is my favorite. However, it doesn't drop 20 degrees over night. It only drops about 5 degrees. The humidity and the buildings keep the temperature locked in making extreme temperature fluctuations very rare.

Back At It

Day 63 (10/16/2016)
It's been a week of low exercise and a lot of eating. Mom has been sick and she got me sick through the phone (I swear it's a legitimate way to get sick). Although I didn't have the flu, the glands in my neck were very swollen and I was very sleepy. I didn't workout until Friday, then again on Saturday. I upped all the leg machines by 20 pounds and did some serious inline cardio yesterday.
Today my sickness has gone from my throat to my nose. I can't stop sneezing and sniffling. Last week I had sandwiches for lunches and didn't really eat dinner. This week is back to rice and chicken
for lunch and eggs with chicken for dinner. I'll also hit the gym Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Hopefully the added calories and protein will kick the sniffles to the curb.
Friday was national dessert day, so of course Emily and I got ice cream. We went to a place called Oddfellows in Williamsburg. They had funky flavors like maple-bacon pecan, lychee sorbet, and cornbread. I had chocolate caramel toffee and sprinkle ice cream which was vanilla bean ice cream with sprinkles in it. The feel of the parlor was very 50's, the staff was great, and the flavors were very strong. I actually stayed on top of my homework this week so I went to bed early on Friday!
Saturday, Emily and I went to shops around Union Square to find electronics she needed for work. It was a complete bust, we were exhausted, and hungry. Food it was!
We went to a burger joint called 5Napkin. I had a "Spicy Blue" burger. It had jalapeno bacon with a jalapeno blue cheese sauce. It was cooked perfectly with a fresh crunchy bun to top it off. The place also had shakes. And we wanted shakes. I got a s'mores shake that had a marshmallow based ice cream with chocolate syrup and graham cracker chunks. It was delicious!
That night we went out again. It's nice to go some place every weekend where I can meet new people as well as see familiar faces. It's nice to say that I genuinely have many friends here. Also, Emily and I have a tradition to get naan every night after we go to a party.
I got my laundry and shopping done yesterday so today I got to sleep in yet again! My favorite things to do are: sleep, eat pizza, eat ice cream, and eat peanut butter. Honestly all I did was today was buy a small piece of luggage to use when I come home for Christmas and of course got more ice cream, We went to a place called Big Gay Ice Cream and it was amazing. It's soft serve ice cream with many cone options, filling options, and topping options. I got a "Bea Arthur" because I'm obsessed with the Golden Girls. It was vanilla ice cream coated with Nilla wafer dust in a waffle cone filled with peanut butter! It was delicious and a great way to end the week.
The past few weeks have been really good. I've stopped comparing myself to other people, I've realized that eating an unhealthy meal doesn't mean I'm unhealthy, taking a break due to illness is okay, and I'm really excited to go to school next year.
OSU Cascades has classes that genuinely appeal to me and things I've enjoyed since I was a child. I can honestly see myself living in Bend. I have always loved going to Bend every year to see my aunt and uncle. I like the dry climate, I like the outdoor options, and the busy downtown. I was talking to my mom and I actually said "it's okay, I don't need to plan my life out all right now" and I wasn't even forcing myself to say it! The point is: I can make it in New York, I love it here, I'm at peace with myself, and I'm excited for my future.